Over two years into this journey and I figure out the big picture of this journey. The hardest part for me has been the lack of answers. Unexplained infertility is a double edged sword: while I'm happy nothing is medically wrong with either of us, that also means there's nothing to fix so to speak.
As a reach milestones in my journey here are my top five ways to find peace.
1. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Yes, it's going to be hard and yes, some people won't understand. I found it most helpful to open up to our families and closest friends about it. The more I held it in, the more I hurt, and the darker and deeper the hurt got. Opening up to people is tough and not everyone is going to be the kind of support you may need. Regardless, it's the best way to gain extra support. How can someone support you if they don't know what's going on?
2. Do not let it take you over. I have infertility; it does not have me. For too long, I let our infertility take over my life. I reached a point where I felt like I was obsessed with it and I was letting it effect my marriage. When I saw this happen, I turned a leaf and decided that it was not going to have me.
3. Find distractions. The wait between the cycles, doctor's appointments, and meds can be crazy. Distract yourself with something else you love. It will occupy your time and keep your mind from being overwhelmed with infertility and all the fun that goes with it. I started this blog, took up a bit of gardening (so time consuming, but fun--I can't grow a baby, but I can grow some great flowers :) ), went to the lake as much as possible, and plan to have a lot of projects/crafts for when South Dakota's winter hits.
4. Look at your priorities, count your blessings. I really had to take a step back and evaluate my life on this one. While having a baby is a priority, it would've never been one if I didn't meet the right guy. I found that I was putting the desire to have a baby before my marriage, before my best friend. It's only looking back that I can see this. Now, I wake with daily affirmations and count my blessings. When you count them, there gets to be a lot.
5. Moving on is not giving up. For me, I'm ready to move on, but I'm not giving up. I'm moving on from the negativity, heart ache, and sadness of infertility. We've set our limits and are sticking to them. We're not giving up, but we're moving on to the next chapter. A chapter filled with laughter. If a baby miraculously becomes a part of that, even better. Yet, a or no baby will not define us as we move forward with our journey.
If any one is out there and reading this: you're not alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment