Thursday, February 27, 2014

WOMEN: Stop Comparing Yourself!


As women, we share a sisterhood. The kind of bond that doesn't have to be spoken or flashy; the kind that enables us to relate to each other as we try to find ourselves in the world around us.

We share the bond of knowing what it means to be a woman--a bond that cannot be taken away.

Despite all this, why is it so hard for us to empower one another?
We're constantly in competition with each other instead of reaching out to lift each other up.
We form cliques that are exclusive to a group of people that we deem are the only ones fit to join. This cliques go beyond friendship and are even in the work place.

Why? One simple action: comparisson.
We are constantly comparing ourselves to everyone around us. It doesn't matter what the comparison, we are always finding something in someone else to compare against ourselves.

Why do we constantly compare ourselves?
Theodore Roosevelt said, "Comparison is the thief of joy," and boy is he right.

Before we go compare ourselves, we need to ask ourselves a few questions:
    • Do I have control over the item I'm comparing myself to? 
      • Example: She's such a fast runner; I want to be a fast runner. Oh wait, I've had three knee surgeries...so, yeah, that's not realistic.
    •  What is it that I really want?
      • Example: She's so lucky that she doesn't have to work. Oh wait, maybe it's not her I'm jealous of, it's just that I'm not satisfied with my job.
    • Am I comparing apples to oranges?
      • Remember: That girl your comparing yourself to might be working on a project for years. Instead of being jealous that it worked for her, start looking at your own project and get it moving.
Life is hard. Let's not make it harder on ourselves. You are GREAT as is. If someone makes you feel otherwise, then go to where you're celebrated not tolerated. There are people out there who love you and think you're GREAT just the way you are.

Let's do ourselves a favor and start living like we each are fine with the people we are.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Love & Marriage, No Kids

I've been on a bit of a sabbatical from posting lately. I decided to take some time and do some soul searching.

Taking an inventory of all life's treasures, my bucket is pretty full. I married a great man, live in a house I love, live close to my family, and have a job that pays the bills.

Overall, I'm pretty blessed. I can't believe how hard it's been realizing this.

Infertility took it's toll on my self-image, my self-worth, and my marriage. There is so much emotion on that topic that it only makes sense that such power makes an impact.

Life has been an adjustment. We grew up withe the whole  "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage." What if that's just not in the cards for us?

I've been grappling the whole marriage without children thing. I focused on the positive aspects of it all. Perhaps if were more of a choice and less of a condition, it would be easier.

Life without children has a lot of good--a lot of fun. There's no responsibility, no diapers, no rushing schedules to have to pick up a kid. There's more time for vacations (adult versions) and more time to just spend together. Yet, we find ourselves longing for those very things: planning a Disney vacation, tucking someone into bed at night, a reason for working our butts off.

Our marriage is great. Talking about having kids is like a business meeting for us know. All the excitement is gone. All the what-if's about having a baby have been answered. It's a meticulous (and extremely expensive) science for us now. It's a science that isn't guaranteed either.

Perhaps life is just, "first comes love, then comes marriage" for us.