All it took was one test.
One test's bad results rocked my world.
Two days before the doctor's only option for us was insemination. While I was trying to stomach the idea that the various types of insemination were our only options, I was also a bit hopeful because we had options.
We had options for two days. Two days of hope, excitement, uncertainty, and feeling like we were moving forward.
Then we got one test result that was bad. It was so bad that the doctor wouldn't move forward with us. We're again, stuck in limbo. We'd done these very same tests months ago and everything came back normal. With the specific test, which I'm going to remain nameless, we came back at 6% and normal is 40%. My heart literally sunk and I swallowed the tears as I'm frantically writing notes onto a sheet of paper while the doctor was explaining everything to me. I was too caught up in getting the facts to cry.
My husband comes home for lunch and we talk about the results. I remain calm because he's always calm and relaxed about everything. He leaves to go back to work and I lose it. I can't pull myself together to face the world. I just want to curl up in a ball and get away from it all. I want to hop on a plane and go to some far away exotic island where I can be too wrapped up in island life to worry about it all. But I can't.
Retest in two weeks and again in eight weeks.
This is going to be the longest time in my life. I can't even think about dealing with the sincere question of how the "whole baby thing" is going.
To top it off, work isn't the best.
When it rains it pours I guess.
Until it stops, I'll be waiting for that rainbow after the rain.
Katie
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