Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day + Infertility

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day was yesterday. 

Photo from http://oninfertileground.com/infertility-in-film/

I had an ectopic pregnancy, yet I don't morn the loss. Ectopic pregnancies are a complication when embryos implants
outside the uterus. They are dangerous for the mother, since internal haemorrhage is a life-threatening complication.

I remember the day. My niece was born that very day. I didn't know/think I was pregnant. I thought with all of the pain and blood that I had bad kidney stones. Nope. Not the case. The case was very different and the path back to normalcy included no family support and acting like everything was normal. Mourning wasn't an option.

As we mark upon 3.5 years of infertility, on that day I continually look for what could have been. While watching the craziness of my niece, I wonder what would have been. Her birthday is a yearly reminder of that ever-so lonely day.

If that pregnancy was normal, my life would be very different in ways that I can't even imagine. On that day, I would have never imagined that infertility would become my disease.

Pregnancy loss as well as infertility remain dark items behind closed doors. The topic is sensitive by nature, yet so is life itself. Sometimes there are no words, no mourning, no feelings. Sometimes a look says it all.

Today, a day after pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day, I remember the dream of a child and of what could be. Today, a day late, I still remember and think of all of us in the same boat.

Somethings in life you never forget. For those of you who've had this loss, I will forever keep you in my heart reminding me that I'm not alone.