NIAW: Resolve to know more about the process

The process of an infertility diagnosis isn't an easy one. For too long, the friends and family closest to us held on to the idea that infertility was something we made up. It was something that happened because we weren't relaxed or because we weren't doing it at the right time.

But that's not how it works. We started with very painful ectopic pregnancy that made me put a halt on further efforts for a while. I was sad and in pain. I just wanted to feel normal. We tired. And then we really tried. Everything was timed and mechanical. I should've invested in stock for ovulation kits because I was using them up like crazy.

None of it worked.

Still, none of it worked.

We started at my local OBGYN. Everything tested fine and normal. We went on clomid. Then more clomid. Then even some more. (I say we because my husband had to put up with the crazy person clomid turned me into.) Then, my OBGYN wouldn't refill. Semen test was next. Yup, another normal. HSG, another normal.

I've tried SO SO many things on this list, that it actually frightens me a bit.
I've heard so many, “If you just do XYZ, you’ll get pregnant in no time! It happened to my friend/cousin/hairdresser…”  stories. Believe me when I say: we’ve tried everything. Vitamins? Too many to count. Fertility Acupuncture? Twice a week.

Then it was the big referral: the Reproductive Endocrinologist. From there, it was a lot of overwhelming information and tests that turned out to be not so normal. I cried every single night. I would wait until my husband fell asleep to cry: he didn't need to know how deep my hurt and sadness was. The tears followed me to every appointment. Every follicle that didn't measure to size was a tear. Every follicle that measured too big was a tear. I have spent more time than is healthy having professionals stare at my crotch. It's funny having a vaginal ultrasound and having a screen showing you how your ovaries and follicles look to the point where you, the patient, can tell if a follicle isn't up to size.

Medications, injections, and countless appointments later we had an honest conversation with the RE's PA who we worked with closely. I asked her to put herself in my shoes. Not a step out of beat, she said stop what you're doing and move to IVF. The odds were so much better with IVF.

IVF = $$$$$. We had a talk and decided to have some time to breath and live life without fertility drugs before we do IVF. It's looking like late fall is when follicle count and size will really start to matter for us.

That's the process of my diagnosis, coping, and living with infertility.