It's with a heavy heart that I celebrate National Infertility Awareness Week. My heart hurts that I have to be in the population that struggles with the disease of infertility, but I stand proud that I am a part of the Resolve network looking to increase awareness for this disease.
It's been three years for me. Sadly enough, in the infertility world I am a young pup.
The last three years of my life have been a struggle coming to terms with a condition classified as a medical disease, but treatment remains uncovered by the insurance world.
For two of the last three years, I was sad. I was sad about the situation that had no cure; sad to have a disease with no coverage; sad to have a disease that was kept hush-hush; sad when anything parent or baby related came up; and sad that no one seemed to care. When I wasn't sad, I was angry. The common, "why me?" question came up too many times to count. The fairness I once saw in the world around me crumbled to the ground. If you look at my life, you would see that I made the right decisions in my life 98% of the time. I went to college, got a bachelor's and a master's. I married the man of my dreams and bought a house. Then I found my dream of having a family to fill that house wasn't going to happen naturally.
I did my research. I researched and researched about what I could do. I took every single vitamin my sisters in infertility wrote about. I did fertility acupuncture. I cut out all caffeine. Then I prayed for a miracle.
My hopes and prayers changed more than my mood swings on fertility meds. If you haven't been on fertility drugs, my husband calls him the devil drugs because they turned me into a crazy person.
Two years and a half years with no positive results left me a sad, depressed, angry person who was hopped up (or angered up) on fertility meds.
I was so sick of feeling physically and mentally exhausted. We needed a break. I have no idea how my husband put up with me day after day. I wasn't myself.
Fast forward six months. We're both in a better place with fertility. I stopped letting the anger and sadness overtake my life. We're almost ready to restart treatment and my outlook is both positive and realistic because I've resolved to know more about my disease.
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