As innocent of a question that I know it is, someone going through infertility feels that question hit like a hammer. It's a reminder of the struggle, a reminder of the sad.
I opted out of going for that reason...and because it was July 5th and we had lake plans for the 4th.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the n-word: NEVER.
Coming to terms with knowing that medically you'll NEVER be able to have kids by natural means is hard to swallow. You go through the stages of grief alone because the world keeps going on without you. I'm almost back on track with the real world, or I've distracted myself enough to go on with the world. Yet, the thought of what if we NEVER have kids has been circling my brain lately. It's something I don't know how to deal with; I get sad and angry and think about how unfair it is. With all infertility options--fertility treatments, foster care, adoption--there are NEVER any guarantees.
The only guarantee comes in the form of high costs and bills.
It makes me feel as if I am and will be "less than" for not being a part of the moms club.
Oh Katie, I can so relate to this post. There is grief every step of the way and to pursue treatments it is SO expensive. And yes, there are no guarantees. It is high stakes gambling at best. Thinking of you and hoping you find the strength to keep pushing forward…whatever that next step may be.
ReplyDelete