NIAW: Resolve to know more

It's with a heavy heart that I celebrate National Infertility Awareness Week. My heart hurts that I have to be in the population that struggles with the disease of infertility, but I stand proud that I am a part of the Resolve network looking to increase awareness for this disease.

It's been three years for me. Sadly enough, in the infertility world I am a young pup.

The last three years of my life have been a struggle coming to terms with a condition classified as a medical disease, but treatment remains uncovered by the insurance world.

For two of the last three years, I was sad. I was sad about the situation that had no cure; sad to have a disease with no coverage; sad to have a disease that was kept hush-hush; sad when anything parent or baby related came up; and sad that no one seemed to care. When I wasn't sad, I was angry. The common, "why me?" question came up too many times to count. The fairness I once saw in the world around me crumbled to the ground. If you look at my life, you would see that I made the right decisions in my life 98% of the time. I went to college, got a bachelor's and a master's. I married the man of my dreams and bought a house. Then I found my dream of having a family to fill that house wasn't going to happen naturally.

I did my research. I researched and researched about what I could do. I took every single vitamin my sisters in infertility wrote about. I did fertility acupuncture. I cut out all caffeine. Then I prayed for a miracle.

My hopes and prayers changed more than my mood swings on fertility meds. If you haven't been on fertility drugs, my husband calls him the devil drugs because they turned me into a crazy person.
Two years and a half years with no positive results left me a sad, depressed, angry person who was hopped up (or angered up) on fertility meds.

I was so sick of feeling physically and mentally exhausted. We needed a break. I have no idea how my husband put up with me day after day. I wasn't myself.

Fast forward six months. We're both in a better place with fertility. I stopped letting the anger and sadness overtake my life. We're almost ready to restart treatment and my outlook is both positive and realistic because I've resolved to know more about my disease.

The financial emptiness of infertility

The world on infertility has been a quiet one and I understand why.
The emotional journey of it all is a lot in and of itself.
The other half is just as brutal. The financial implications of infertility are a black hole that puts you at a loss for words. Having a baby is a financial responsibility for any couple. For couples facing infertility, additional money is often needed for treatments and tests. The vast majority of assisted reproductive technologies (ART) are not covered by insurance, the patient has to pay out-of-pocket for it all. Only fifeteen states in the US have passed laws requiring insurance companies to help cover costs.

Here is my first reaction to the costs of it all.


Below are the estimated prices I was give.

One-cycle = $11,570.63 (a fresh and a frozen cycle of IVF)

Two-cycle = $20,149.83 (2 fresh and 2 frozen cycles of IVF)

Three-cycle = $26,821.28 (3 fresh and 3 frozen cycles of IVF)

ICSI = $1,124.00

This does not include any genetic or embryo testing which is estimated to be about $3,000.

They estimated that medications would be about $4,000 a month as well.

I left the consult feeling this way:

All in all our IVF consult was good. We're going to wait a little bit so we can figure out the financing with out me going crazy.

Popper bites

 

 

I love jalapeno poppers; they're my go-to appetizer. The only thing I'm not a fan of is taking one bite and having the whole jalapeno come out in that bite! I decided to do my own take on this and make popper bites of my own.

Ingredients

8-12 fresh jalapeno peppers, chopped, stems removed. Optional: remove the seeds to reduce the heat

6 ounces cream cheese, softened

1/2 bag of  real bacon bits
1 1/2 cups shredded cheese of your choice

2 large eggs
2 tablespoons milk
1 cup panko crumbs

1 cup breadcrumbs (season these as desired)

Mix the cream cheese, shredded cheese, jalapenos and bacon to form a paste.

Shape into balls using about 1/2 tablespoon of paste for each or to fit your palm. Be careful not to make these too big to ensure the filling is cooked.

Take the popper filling and dip into milk; then dip into the panko and breadcrumb topping. Allow the breading to dry (about 10minutes) and then repeat until the popper is adequately covered.

Fry: Place on an ungreased baking sheet and bake for 10 to 15 minutes, until golden brown 

OR

Bake: Place into pan with 2-4 tablespoons of olive oil and fry for 1-2 minutes on each side, until golden brown 

 

Rimmel London Moisture Renew Review

I recently joined influenster.com. If you've never been to the website, you should. It has reviews written by real people that give products a more accurate, real-life use grade.

I was recently sent a qualified for the Rimel London Moisture Renew sample. I've been playing on how and when to where it because I don't wear a ton of make-up. I'm a make-up struggler. Yet, it was our anniversary last week so I thought lipstick was the easiest way to add a little POC (pop of color) into my life. 

I was honestly feeling a little drab and not so confident. Then I added a little Rimmel Moisture Renew!

This is the only lipstick I've tried that doesn't feel like a lipstick. Most lipsticks I've used have a chalky/thickness to them leaving your lips feeling like they're covered in a mask. Not this one. I was surprised by the moisture in this lipstick. I even put it on chapped lips and my lips felt good. The moisture lasted so long! The best part: the color lasted too! I ate, drank, and it was still on.

I'm not a lipstick person, but I think this changed my mind!

We spent our 3year anniversary relaxing: not  having a set plan or anything.
I got my husband a "Trophy Husband" shirt (Old Navy) and we just enjoyed each others company.

WOMEN: Stop Comparing Yourself!

As women, we share a sisterhood. The kind of bond that doesn't have to be spoken or flashy; the kind that enables us to relate to each other as we try to find ourselves in the world around us.

We share the bond of knowing what it means to be a woman--a bond that cannot be taken away.

Despite all this, why is it so hard for us to empower one another?
We're constantly in competition with each other instead of reaching out to lift each other up.
We form cliques that are exclusive to a group of people that we deem are the only ones fit to join. This cliques go beyond friendship and are even in the work place.

Why? One simple action: comparisson.
We are constantly comparing ourselves to everyone around us. It doesn't matter what the comparison, we are always finding something in someone else to compare against ourselves.

Why do we constantly compare ourselves?
Theodore Roosevelt said, "Comparison is the thief of joy," and boy is he right.

Before we go compare ourselves, we need to ask ourselves a few questions:

• Do I have control over the item I'm comparing myself to? 
• Example: She's such a fast runner; I want to be a fast runner. Oh wait, I've had three knee surgeries...so, yeah, that's not realistic.
•  What is it that I really want?
• Example: She's so lucky that she doesn't have to work. Oh wait, maybe it's not her I'm jealous of, it's just that I'm not satisfied with my job.

• Am I comparing apples to oranges?

• Remember: That girl your comparing yourself to might be working on a project for years. Instead of being jealous that it worked for her, start looking at your own project and get it moving.

Life is hard. Let's not make it harder on ourselves. You are GREAT as is. If someone makes you feel otherwise, then go to where you're celebrated not tolerated. There are people out there who love you and think you're GREAT just the way you are.

Let's do ourselves a favor and start living like we each are fine with the people we are.

Love & Marriage, No Kids

I've been on a bit of a sabbatical from posting lately. I decided to take some time and do some soul searching.

Taking an inventory of all life's treasures, my bucket is pretty full. I married a great man, live in a house I love, live close to my family, and have a job that pays the bills.

Overall, I'm pretty blessed. I can't believe how hard it's been realizing this.

Infertility took it's toll on my self-image, my self-worth, and my marriage. There is so much emotion on that topic that it only makes sense that such power makes an impact.

Life has been an adjustment. We grew up withe the whole  "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage." What if that's just not in the cards for us?

I've been grappling the whole marriage without children thing. I focused on the positive aspects of it all. Perhaps if were more of a choice and less of a condition, it would be easier.

Life without children has a lot of good--a lot of fun. There's no responsibility, no diapers, no rushing schedules to have to pick up a kid. There's more time for vacations (adult versions) and more time to just spend together. Yet, we find ourselves longing for those very things: planning a Disney vacation, tucking someone into bed at night, a reason for working our butts off.

Our marriage is great. Talking about having kids is like a business meeting for us know. All the excitement is gone. All the what-if's about having a baby have been answered. It's a meticulous (and extremely expensive) science for us now. It's a science that isn't guaranteed either.

Perhaps life is just, "first comes love, then comes marriage" for us.